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Prince Edward Island

bitchy | Clarkson: ‘There won’t be another Coronation after this one. It’ll be the last’

It’s been more than a month since the Sun published Jeremy Clarkson’s violent screed against the Duchess of Sussex, in which Clarkson detailed his fantasies of stripping Meghan naked and marching her down the street so people could throw feces at her. Remember, Clarkson said everyone his age agreed with him. He wrote that right after lunch with Queen Camilla, his good friend. Camilla was reportedly quite angry … that she was being dragged right next to Clarkson. Well, Clarkson has a new column at The Sun: “Royal magic is on the wane, but it’s still the best option.” Clarkson almost gets close to an uncomfortable truth, but of course he finds a way to break away from it.

When I was younger, there was only one big royal event a year. We had the silver jubilee in 1977 and Charles and Diana’s wedding in 1981, nothing after that. There was more monarchy-based pageantry in North Korea. However, now it feels like we’re breaking out the bunting and plastic flags every other weekend. It’s a constant stream of weddings, funerals and anniversaries. And it’s not over yet, because there’s a coronation in May.

It must be a nightmare for the organizers because how do they make it feel different? And bigger. And better. Are you skimming the mall? did that Put Brian May on the roof of the palace? Did that too. Soldiers marching up and down? Have been doing this for centuries.

Whatever they come up with, it had better be good. Because I have a creeping feeling that there won’t be another coronation after this one. It will be the last.

For many years there have been questions about the royal family. People have said that it costs too much and that having a hereditary head of state is stupid. And now, of course, these questions are getting louder and louder. People say that thanks to Prince Andrew and Harry’s book, the whole royal thing is broken that you could take it to Jay Blade’s repair shop barn, but the experts would be forced to conclude that all the king’s riders and all the king’s men could not possibly put it back together.

I see her point. The monarchy is built on a foundation of mysticism. It draws its magical powers from forces we don’t understand. It’s an institution built on fairy dust. And that gets somewhat lost when they all fall into dog bowls and, like Prince Andrew, give money to girls they’ve never met.

[From The Sun]

Ah, don’t you see? Because of Prince Andrew and Prince Harry, people don’t respect the monarchy anymore! Not the other Windsors, sitting on a billion-dollar empire and going to food banks empty-handed. Of course not. And Harry didn’t “fall into a dog bowl” — he was violently attacked by his brother. William threw Harry to the ground, leaving cuts and bruises. Anyway, Clarkson ends his column by admitting that “The Australians and Canadians will then apologise, along with most of the rocky islands scattered across the world’s oceans, and then we will vote here. And everyone will decide that they would rather have an elected president.” Then Clarkson suggests that after Britain elects a president, it will be a reality show antics, and then everyone will magically want William and Kate to be king and queen. As I said, Clarkson almost admitted something real, but then he screwed up. Oh well.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Covers, Instar, and Backgrid.

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